Displaced Myth

The Story of the Forbidden Wings of Fire


There was once an eager and unassuming teenage boy named Peter.  Now, Peter, being in a state of perpetual hunger for all things unhealthy and spicy, was driving through his town in search for something to quench his starvation. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small sign in the window of Buffalo Wild Wings: "NEWEST, MOST SPICY AND AMAZING WINGS EVER CREATED IN THE UNITED STATES TO BE REVEALED TONIGHT".  Peter nearly crashed into the next car after reading this proclamation from the hot wing gods.  How could he be the first to get his hands on these fiery morsels? He, the connoisseur of wings, would die if he was not the first to try them. Peter quickly realized that this was not okay, and therefore devised a plan.

He knew one of the employees, so after chatting with him for a bit, he convinced his friend to distract the boss by one of the T.V.s while Peter snuck into the the kitchen to snatch a monumental wing.

Peter's, accomplice successfully lured his unassuming boss to check on a T.V. that had magically stopped working (with the help of him unplugging it).  As the boss was turning his back on the kitchen, Peter sprinted towards the vat of beautiful, saucy wings, and eagerly grabbed one and swallowed it whole. After doing so, Peter casually strolled out of the establishment.

While driving home, Peter, still floored by the incredible spiciness and flavor of his successful wing operation, began to notice a sharp pain in his abdomen. The pain began to intensify until he could not longer drive.  This lasted for a few hours than finally let up. Peter was relived, but the next day, the same pain persisted once again.  Days went by, and he continued to experience the same excruciating pain every evening in the same spot at the same time.

One day, while reeling in pain, he heard a radio announcement:

ATTENTION, IF YOU, OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS CONSUMED ONE OF THE NEWLY-RELEASED WINGS FROM BUFFALO WILD WINGS IN THE PAST WEEK, PLEASE SEEK MEDICAL ATTENTION.  INDIVIDUALS HAVE COMPLAINED OF INTENSE LIVER PAINS SINCE EATING ONE OF THESE WINGS. SIDE EFFECTS HAVE PROVEN TO BE PERMANENT.

Peter's punishment for stealing the wings suddenly became very clear.